August 5, 2011

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony....."

(Revelation 12:11)

I pray that this testimony falls under the eyes and into the hearts of believers and unbelievers alike. That the Holy Spirit will minister unto your souls and draw you to the foot of the CROSS✝in the Mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

It was the summer before I headed off to college to start pursuing a higher education and I figured I would go out with a bang. I wanted to enjoy every ounce of my summer with non-stop partying, drinking, going to concerts, spending money as I pleased, and enjoying the company of "friends." I wouldn't have believed you if you told me that this would be the summer that would change my life forever.

I was so used to going out and having fun (which I thought it was at the time) and now, I had the whole summer to indulge in such behavior. I ran into a guy I thought was attractive at a party, and things went on from there. I was only focused on having a good time so I went wherever that led me.

This particular guy went on to become my boyfriend and I didn't think much of it. I was so passive and just "went with the flow" because that was the easiest thing to do. I wasn't really looking for a relationship but he was, and was clear about pursuing one with me. Fast forward to August 5, 2011, this was the day where I found myself in a place I promised myself I will never step into again. A place where I've been abused physically, mentally/emotionally and sexually and I even promised two close loved ones that I would never step foot into again.  It wasn't particularly easy to be there but threats of me being humiliated publicly, threats of death, and just simple mind games began to affect me. He showed up to my job unannounced day after day as well as following me home and it began to take a toll on me. I thought I was done with him. I thought I'd gotten rid of him and I thought there was nothing else that would lead me back into his grip until all of these things unfolded. I didn't have it in me to leave because I believed I had nowhere to go and I was completely paralyzed by fear that he would do what he said, and kill my family members one by one all before killing me.

August 5th I had stopped working to start getting ready to go away to college and enjoy my last couple of weeks spending time with friends and family. However, my lie to get out of the house for the day was that I was going to work. I actually went to his apartment instead. Nothing changed. He still disrespected me, he still put his hands on me and he still manipulated me with hateful, disgusting words and with fear. About an hour into my visit I got a call from my mother. If I were at work my mother would know not to call me but obviously she had found out that I wasn't at work (the Lord had been revealing to her in dreams the things I was consuming myself with. No lie on this earth could keep her from the truth because true wisdom and revelation was given to her from God). Even though he yelled at me and insisted that I not pick up my phone I surely did with quickness. All I could think was "FINALLY, I"M BUSTING OUT OF HERE! THANK YOU GOD!!!!" My mother knew exactly where I was and insisted that I come downstairs at that moment. I didn't even care about the anger in her voice I was like "Okay, coming now!" (LOL I honestly was so happy only God knows). Even then, he insisted that I would not be leaving his house and still kept me there for 10 minutes longer. As my mom started making her way towards his door he quickly changed his mind! LOL. At that last moment it was made obvious that this person that I allowed to manipulate me with fear this whole time is even afraid of my mom?!? The one who said he would kill my entire family one by one to torture me then kill me later is afraid of my mother. What a liar!!! Just like the devil....

I share this testimony to say this: August 5th, 2011 was the first day of my journey towards Christ. I knew of Him but I didn't know that: He loved me so much, He wanted to know me personally, I was capable of knowing Him intimately, and that He died for everything I've been through, go through and will go through. It is only through Him that you can experience true freedom.

My mom surely didn't enjoy August 5th but I sure did. She was so angry but I couldn't truly grasp her anger because I was free! Of course, I eventually understood the extent of her wrath when she took away my phone, changed my phone number, took away my laptop, and lots of other things. It was well deserved and righteous so even though it hurt I had to swallow the pill from all of the sin and foolishness I was constantly sowing into my life. Every year since then on this day I rejoice and I thank God that before He was mine, I was already His. Even in my disobedience He covered me and saved me. I was still on His mind even when my ways said that I hated him. YET, He still loved me and gave me another chance. I am alive, I am saved, I am redeemed, and I am justified by the blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ. Just as Paul said "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love" (Romans 8:38) .
I've been on the road to recovery since this day 3 years ago and God continues to show His glory in my life. If only I had followed His commands I would not have to be spending all of this time trying to reverse and cleanse my soul of all of the hurt, pain, and spiritual turmoil that I fell into due to my own free will. I can't blame the devil for everything that happened to me because he provided the temptation and it was me who willfully made the choice to fall.

I am free indeed by my testimony and I wanted to remind you all that..

"You shall also be the crown of glory in the hand of the Lord, 

and a royal diadem

In the hand of Our God." (Isaiah 62:3)

I am the crown of glory. There is nothing that can keep me from living a life as the crown of glory for the Lord and day by day He continues to build me into a wonderful lady of virtue. For this, I will serve Him for He is worthy of all the glory, honor and praise. He shall be exalted forever and I magnify Him.
This is a brief excerpt of my testimony but I only can think "How can I NOT serve the Lord?" My life belongs to Him. No one can deliver me from His hand, oh How excellent is thy name my Lord!

I pray that you all be blessed in all your dealings in the mighty name of Jesus♥